Not all women want roses and chocolate for Valentine's day.
Perhaps you do your best to purchase the perfect gift, but they never appreciate it as much as you think they will.
Choosing the right gift for your special someone is more simple than you would think.
If you want to avoid this yearly struggle, one simple thing will change your life.
Learn your significant other's love language.
Very often people naturally give and receive love in a certain way. This means that those chocolates you purchased may not mean as much to your wife as you think they do. Perhaps they would rather have a quiet night at home snuggled up with you on the couch, glass of wine in hand.
There are five ways in which someone receives love.
Anytime you purchase something for someone, that is a gift. I give love through gift-giving. I love surprising my husband with something I heard him mention in passing. If I am at the store I will pick out a card to tell him hes awesome, just because.
Gifts do not have to be extravagant, they can be small and meaningful.
Quality time is just that; spending time together, no phone, no distractions, just the two of you. This can look like taking a walk in the park together or having that quiet night at home just the two of you talking over wine and cheese.
Find ways to tell your significant other (S.O.) how much you love them, and do it often. Do not just tell them to tell them, truly pay attention and let them know what you find amazing about them or an action they took.
Doing the dishes, taking out the trash, giving her a foot rub; these are all "service".
This love language is difficult when it goes unnoticed by your S.O. You may see it as a way to show how much you love them, but they may see it as you simply doing your duty.
Kissing, sex, holding hands, rubbing your S.O's back. Anything that involves affection.
You and your S.O. should discuss these things together. You may think you know how they receive love, but you could be surprised.
The easiest way to start this conversation is to simply say,
"Do you feel most loved when..."
- I give you a surprise gift.
- I do the dishes without you asking.
- I kiss you.
- I tell you how amazing I think you are.
- We spend time together without distractions.
They do not have to be these exact situations, but give them basic examples of each of the love languages above. You can also have an important discussion about how they naturally show love (not just receive it).
Once you know how your S.O. shows love, it is easier for you to recognize it for what it is. One of the hardest things is to give love and the other person doesn't even notice.
WHEN YOU ARE "EXPECTED" TO GIVE GIFTS
Whatever the holiday is it usually expected that you give a gift. However, it is important to remember your S.O's love language. Maybe a gift will be rather meaningless to them, but you both going on a nearby hike together would be far more meaningful to them.
Once you know your S.O's love language you can tailor how you show love to them. It may not come naturally to you, but when you put forth the effort to show love in a way that speaks to them the rewards you reap in the relationship are deep and meaningful.
Everyone gives and recieves love. The challenge is to learn what that looks in regards to your significant other. When love languages are not the same (usually they are not) it can be a struggle to recognize when love is being shown.
Take time to find out your loved one’s way of receiving and giving love. It could be shown through gifts, quality time, affirmations, service or touch, Also, remember that these are on a continuum. It is very possible that you receive love in multiple ways, just some more than others.
Once you know how to show love in a meaningful way to your significant other, you can tailor the way you “give gifts” to them. It may be a traditional gift filled with thought and meaning, or it may be something completely different.
So, this year skip the box of chocolates and the flowers (unless gifts are their love language) and show themhow much they mean to you in a way that speaks volumes to them.