Finding "the one" isn't always easy. Some meet that special someone in high school, or sooner! Others may wait much longer before they end up finding the man or woman of their dreams. I happened to find my husband while traveling the world via Tinder. We all have our unlikely origin stories.
Some people say you know right away. Mental fireworks explode, and you know you are meant to be with this person. It is easy to get caught up in a new relationship, or a sexy face. It is important to take a step back and reflect upon who you want to end up with and if the individual you are with aligns with that vision. Here are five important character traits you should see before you say "I do".
Marriage isn't easy. It is a giant roller coaster ride. You choose this person because you want to experience life by their side, through the good and bad. If your partner cannot handle pressure and is prone to explosions, I would say bye-bye. Do not make excuses for their behavior, and do not be their shield by telling others why they are acting the way they are.
"Oh, sorry, they didn't sleep much last night"
"Its been a rough week"
You want to find someone who has passion, but that passion shouldn't be anger unless it is for a good cause.
Go on a vacation together, far away to a foreign land where you do not speak the language. See how you both respond to this pressure. If you end up wanting to rip the other person's head off, that's a sign that you shouldn't be together. If the bond grows stronger, that is a great indicator of how they will respond in future stressful situations.
Do they respect you, your values and beliefs? Even if they do not agree, respect is vital. Opposites attract, and without respect, you may not feel heard or seen. If you cannot be vulnerable with those you love, you need to take a good hard look at the relationship and see why that is. Do you not feel safe? Do they brush off your feelings? Or is vulnerability something you need to work on?
Do you hate their family or visa-versa? For some people, this is a deal breaker. If you are close to your family and they really dislike the person you are with, find out why. If you aren't close to your family, ask your close friends. We are so easily blinded by love. Those outside of the romance are able to look with an objective eye and see areas that might be of concern.
That being said, sometimes you need to follow your heart. I had many people share their concerns with me about my husband. "He is only after a green card" was brought up quite a few times. They were speaking out of fear under the pretense of love. Find out why they think what they do, and if it is simply a result of their own personal traumas, thank them, give a kind nod, and listen to your heart.
GOALS AND DREAMS
Find a partner with goals and dreams. If their dream is to be an awesome stay-at-home mom, wonderful. If they want to become a millionaire, cool. If they are lazy, playing video games all day to escape reality with zero ambition... your life is probably going to be financially extremely difficult.
Finances are one of the top reasons couples get a divorce. Find someone who makes their dreams a reality. They also should encourage you to achieve your dreams as well, and fight alongside you as much as they can.
WILLINGNESS TO LEARN
We all make mistakes. Your partner should be willing to admit their mistakes. It may not be easy, but your partner (and you) should be willing to say "I'm sorry" and "How can I do better."
This practice spills over into other aspects of their lives. If they can ask how they can be better in your relationship, they will also seek to learn and grow and develop in other areas of their life. A willingness to learn from mistakes and not give up is a surefire sign of a person who will do well in life and strive to keep a marriage alive.
Love may start out with a bang, but it takes effort from both of you to keep it alive. Looking for these traits before you tie the knot. These five traits will make your relationship easier to keep alive over the long run. Also, look inward. Do you possess these traits? Could you work on yourself too? No one is perfect, including you.
Take a little bit of time to think about the kind of person you are looking for or the kind of life you seek. Some people want the Kardashian life, so maybe some of these traits don't matter. The key thing is to KNOW THYSELF, what you want out of life and the mark you want to leave behind. You are amazing and deserve someone amazing in return. Don't settle, there is that perfect someone out there.